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You wanna take me on...then you'd better be prepared to take on the world...
20 most recent entries

Date:2005-01-31 03:15

are you there?

I want to wake up now.

will you help me?

my persona and my attitude towards life have been doing alot of conflicting as of late.
kinda kinky huh?

8 more days 8 more days 8 more days, i am so fucked in 8 more days.

oh and yeah i have officially quit drugs for the next... however the fuck long its going to last. In two weeks i will lose my mind. Luckily i will have a nice drill instructer reassuring everything i'm thinking so i wont be the only one telling myself horrible things. good to know atleast. some may say it'll be trendy, i believe its more of going with the flow. a, "all the cool kids do it so should i." -type thing

Memories Forgotten
Date:2005-01-28 00:58

she said: "he said he couldnt have sex with me the other day cuz he was bleeding from his prostate biopsy..I told him..well what a coincidence cuz Im bleeding too."

1Tear In The Rain Memories Forgotten

Date:2005-01-27 00:21

My love is like first steps in this snow, baby,
I follow you everywhere you go, baby.
The pain as light has come to wake you
But you will never realize
That I inspire the dreams that guide you baby.

You're a half a world away
But in my mind I whisper every single word you say.
And before you sleep at night
You pray to me, your lucky star, your singing satellite.

Your singing satellite

You say a prayer

I follow the winds that bring the cold, baby,
I light a fire in your soul, baby.
The lightest touch of feathers falling
My love may be invisible
But I inspire the dreams that guide you, baby

meps was cool today. i did my little security thing and then i did the whole swearing in thing. with no sleep mind you. i gotta go back tomorrow tho. my information wasnt complete and its like a whole national defense thing or something like that. who knows? so i spent the whole day tracking down names and addresses and birth dates and phone numbers. big pain in my ass to tell the truth. but its all done. well except i gotta find hart hanks's zip code. which is no problem. that took me the longest to do, find hart hanks. i was spelling it heart hanks. totally threw me off. i finally got my shirt tho! Its the only thing i wanted. i really could care less about my 15,000 dollar sign on bonus or the free college while i'm in or even the 70,000 they're giving me to go to school after i get out. i just wanted the shirt. I'm so going to go to an ivy league school when i get out. and i want to be an officer. all i gots to do is go to college a couple years then i go to officer elite school if i get accepted and all that shit. i saw this girl there at meps, she looked like she was in her mid 20's at most, and she was a captain. its totally not how i thought it was.

by the way my basic is in leonardwood missori (woo hoo, missori! how thrilled i am go get that! its going to fucking suck), and my ait is in huachuca, arizona (about a hundred miles from tucson which is coincidentally the biggest city near it. so its in the middle of fucking nowhere too!)

Memories Forgotten

Date:2005-01-26 00:30

i'm in the army now. i got the news this morning! way cool huh? in about five hours i'm going to the meps to swear in and do my security breefing. i made it. i ship out febuary the 8th. oh wow... this is crazy, i'm on the right path to achieving all my goals. a big fuck you to my parents for always telling me my dreams were unachievable. When i was younger i wanted to be a cook, serve, go in the army, and become a psychologist. i can cook, i've been a server, i'm joining the army, and while i'm in i'm going to go to school and get six of the eight years out of the way.

crazy huh? i guess i'm not going to be a fuck up my whole life. go me. what a guy. i think while i'm in i'll try and do something to become a certified ems so i can become a firefighter too. i'm glad i've been able to accomplish all this in one life time. i would have hated to go a second round at this thing called life.

and YES i am going to try and find my address tomorrow, dont worry. I sure as hell want those cookies!

5Tears In The Rain Memories Forgotten

Date:2005-01-22 02:55

well i've realized the past couple days that i am going to die a very painful and slo death. if the cancer doesnt kill me from smoking, i might drown cause all the liquid in my lungs and shit, i'll have a heart attack cause my pulse is so strong, or my blood pressure will cause me to have a seisure. my luck it'll all happen at the same time.

anyways i now know what i want to be when i grown up, a fire fighter. those fire fighters i met at the pinellas park station 33 are some of the coolest and nicest guys. no wonder the chicks dig 'em. some day i'll be one of them!

3Tears In The Rain Memories Forgotten

Date:2005-01-19 02:27

i can hardly recognize myself. i feel so empty.

Memories Forgotten

Date:2005-01-11 02:39


We're all alone on the stage tonight.
We've been told we're not afraid of you.
We know all our lines so well, uh-huh.
We've said them so many times:
Time and time again,
Line and line again.

Ooh, yeah, you're amazing!
We think you're incredible.
You say we're fantastic,
But still we don't head the bill.

Wow! Wow! Wow! Wow! Wow! Wow! Unbelievable!
Wow! Wow! Wow! Wow! Wow! Wow! Unbelievable!

When the actor reaches his death,
You know it's not for real. He just holds his breath.
But he always dives too soon, too fast to save himself.

He'll never make the screen.
He'll never make the 'Sweeney',
Be that movie queen.
He's too busy hitting the vaseline.

Ooh, yeah, you're amazing!
We think you are really cool.
We'd give you a part, my love,
But you'd have to play the fool.

Wow! Wow! Wow! Wow! Wow! Wow! Unbelievable!
Wow! Wow! Wow! Wow! Wow! Wow! Unbelievable!

We're all alone on the stage tonight.
We're all alone,
On the stage,


"we think you're amazing
we think you're special
we think you're incredible
we think you're really cool

You treat us like shit
and We love you for it
because you're you
You arent what you apear to be
but we cant see who you are
so we believe what you tell us
and act like we dont deserve you
whats worse, we believe this to be true"

I had nightmares last night of world war 3... i need to stop playing strategy war games before i go to sleep. I found out tonight, the lizard in my living room, isnt actually a lizard. Its a mouse or something. I'm scared to go downstairs now.

3Tears In The Rain Memories Forgotten

Date:2005-01-07 00:25

after all that bullshit i went through over the blood pressure, it turns out i was disqualified because my heart rate. i was supposed to get under a hundred, mine was a hundred. can you believe that?!? one fucking beat. Todays just been a shitty day all together. Sure, they recomended me for a waiver and chances are i'll still get in, its just another week of bullshit i gotta go through.

At the meps today, i swear it was a fucking dork convention. i was like, what the fuck am i getting myself into?!?

Memories Forgotten

Date:2005-01-06 03:48

Have you ever known someone that changed?
What kind of change?
Like from this to the winter freeze...
The grass always comes back just as green, i believe people can too...

I signed all the paper work today. All i have to do is pass the physical and i'm in. My job is reserved and everything. I found i leave the 26th of january.

2Tears In The Rain Memories Forgotten

Date:2004-12-29 02:15

I've got somewhat of a self perfecting process going on. I'm actually for once in my life, taking care of my body.

Not only am i eating correctly, i'm drinking milk, and working out every other day. Just untill the pain goes away. Then it will be an every day thing.

Right now i'm in such pain. Its not the normal soarness you get from lifting weights, its more like my muscles are so tired right now that they're just giving out.

I also had a talk with liz tonight. no matter what happens, i will never forget her. She is the only person in this world that could cheer me up just by a couple words. Its always perfect. She never gives me any stupid lines and she's never unsure about what to say. She is perfect. I am going to see her soon. Before I leave. I wish things were different. She wont hang out with me because of her boyfriend. He doesnt like me at all. I will see her before i leave though. I swear it. She cares for me. Thats more then i can say about alot of other people.

It would be rude of me to say nobody cares. Pleanty of people do. Just not the ones that matter. Except in her case. Put her aside for a moment. I had a dream the other night. I was working at my old place of business. We were getting slammed and my work was way too much for any one person to handle. So i asked for help. In return i recieved the worst employee in that building. I have judged that my dream means that people do want to help, but they are incapable of doing it correctly. In my eyes atleast.


I'm taking my physical soon. Thats going to be c'est difficile! i have high blood pressure. My recruiter's finding out if there are over the counter pills i can take. Pretty much, thats all thats standing in my way.

by the way, my chosen field is military intellegence. A 6 year contract, 15,000 for signing on. I have to report for duty, january 20th.

Memories Forgotten

Date:2004-12-24 23:27

merry fucking christmas!

I'm poor, hungry, and alone. BUT I do have a big ass bottle of jack daniells. anybody else as pathetic as i am wanna be my drinking buddy?

all i gots is the bottle, i asked santa for a 2 liter of coke but i dont think he's going to come through this year. i was really bad. so someone find me a place and drink with me!

2Tears In The Rain Memories Forgotten

Date:2004-12-18 18:36

well things went better today. I still dont have my job back.

Last night, i got really fucking faded. I took some vicodins and fuckin drank like a shit load of bud and a quart of nady ice to top it off. I didnt smoke. Everyone else did. I gotta keep my system clean of drugs that will linger in there for too long

Today was pretty good. Me and winston were on our way to downtown st. pete and we ran into his mother. She bought us both a pair of shoes! Nock one off my list of things to buy in the future. So we walked around downtown and hit the peir up. Went to a couple art gallaries, tried going into some museums but like the fuckin' holocaust one didnt let anyone in after 4 and it was 4:15 when we got there and the other one closed at 5 and we got there just as they were closing. Sons of bitches! It was cool tho, we spent the whole day walking around down town. Even got a free boat ride!

I had a good time today! I wanted to go to the hallucinagenics tonight but alas, i'm broke and no ride. Plus i'm hella tired. Only 3 hours of sleep. damn kids waking me up at god aweful hours. Forced me to start drinking at 9 in the morning! thats how bad it was!

Oh and heaven and earth is a kick ass movie! if your into japanese samarai movies.

Memories Forgotten

Date:2004-12-15 01:18

oh my god its fucking freezing outside! I live in florida for god's sake! it should not be THIS cold! I've gone all day staying inside but i really need a cigarette. my lungs are feeling waay too healthy.

I need to work soon too. I have a list of things i need to buy:

A new hoodie
New jeans
New shoes (my left shoe makes this weird rattling sound that is not normal)
$40 Gift card for the dukes
$30 Gift card for my grandparents
Day after tomorrow for the grandparents.

I am hoping i can afford the shit for other people before christmas, I wanna be nice this year.

5Tears In The Rain Memories Forgotten

Date:2004-12-13 03:22

I thought of a really good story someone could write. Its scifi style. Have like a robot, one that kinda looks like something from short circuit, and he's on trial or something and he's asked what his purpose in life is. So it goes to a flashback and he sees himself being introduced as the first ai ever created. Then it comes back to the present and he says "to live..." Then it goes back into the flashback and stays there and shows a big war and the robots are bad and shit, but this guy, he's not bad at all, he's good, he had no role in the war. All he wants is to live and be happy. Then finally it'll reach the trial thing and they'll execute him, and in the very end it'll show the robot with all its wires and shit hanging out and he's looking down at himself with the saddest set of eyes and they fade away.

It'll be a sad story, very sad one. The type that makes you want to cry at the end. Cause everyone will relate to the guy and love him, then when he dies, he only dies cause of mankind's bigotry and hatred. If only i could write a story like that. But we'll make it into a movie and have stephen speilberg direct it. Cast will include, Johny Depp, Tom Cruise, Shannon Whirry, Clea DuVall, Milla Jovovich, and umm... we can put Lexa Doig in there too. There's only one other actor i would love to have in there, Scatman Crothers. Unfortunatly he's been dead for a long time. His role in Twilight zone the movie, was the greatest i've ever seen any actor pull off. He gives me this happy feeling when i see that movie. Like everything can go right.

I'm getting really depressed again. The time of year, it reminds me of how alone i actually am. Even with my friends, i have nobody that really loves me and thats all i ever wanted out of the world. Its my fault really. I havent been doing everything i can to get people to like me. Everythings so cloudy. I need to wake up.

Memories Forgotten

Date:2004-12-08 03:17

A kite flies against the wind... not with it

I am so a kite!

2Tears In The Rain Memories Forgotten

Date:2004-12-07 01:30
Subject:being jewish kicks ass!

I solved my problem! i got $4 today. but a new problem arose. I got a 98 on my menu test, but they asked me a couple more questions and realized, i dont know the menu i just memorized the blanks on the paper. So i gotta take a new one tomorrow, but i forgot my fucking book at work. smart move on my part, so tomorrow i'm waking up at 10 and starting my day going all over the place. From my place to lonestar to get my check then to durango's to get my book, then to tyrone mall to see this chick, then back to durango's for work. and to give you a kinda map:

(all of these are based on my home)

lonestar- about ten minutes north (on bus its about 45 minutes)
Durango's- about 15 minutes north! (on bus its about an hour and a half w/ changing busses and shit)
Tyrone mall- about 15 minutes south west of here (45 minutes on a bus)

so yeah lots of bussing tomorrow. time for me to go buy some cigarettes!

"ark light"... what the hell is that from?

create your own visited states map
or check out these Google Hacks.

this is soooo true,

What Kind of Geek are You?
Favourite Color
Your IQ is high
You are a gamer geek
Your strength is you never need to sleep
Your weakness is caffine
You think normal people are stupid
Normal people think that you are disturbed
This fun quiz by owlsamantha - Taken 148416 Times.
New - Dating Advice written by YOU!

3Tears In The Rain Memories Forgotten

Date:2004-12-06 01:13

okay i'm broke, i get my check on tuesday, but in the mean time, i have NO cigarettes!!!! I am in dire need of a newport!

Memories Forgotten

Date:2004-12-03 01:30

Its bothering me, I dont know how to react. Kevin McNerny, my GM at lonestar died yesterday. I've tried about 30 million times in the past hour to write this in here. I dont know what to say. Everytime i try and act hard about it. like it dont affect me, it didnt all day. but now, i'm starting to see his face. I dont know how to react. I dont know what to say. I dont know anything right now. I feel like shit. I need to get drunk or something. I finally found a drinking buddy too. only took me a week. see here i am changing the subject. maybe thats my problem, i havent accepted it. He was close to me, a real friend, someone i looked up to. and now he's gone. Denial is a great asset as long as it lasts. I mean when you know the guy for a year, and joked around, worked for him, hell he was the coolest gm i ever had. Father and husband. in fact father to a baby boy born not but a few months ago.

He wasnt just a random manager, he was the reason why we stayed there, the reason why we put up with all the bull shit. barely any of us made money, but we stayed there, kevin would make us do some of the most rediculous things but he was a great guy and everyone who met him knew that. they saw it in him right away. I'll miss him. He was part of lonestar, part of my family...

see, this is why i cannot believe the notion that there is a god. Fuck your god! Shit on the good people and let the assholes of the world go untouched? Fuck yo' god!

2Tears In The Rain Memories Forgotten

Date:2004-12-02 03:14

Note to bobby: Stop Quitting your jobs the day after you spend all your money!


It would be nice to see more than VPL sometime. Thats all they've been showing on fashion trance lately. Real drag. If anything they need to play more Versace and Rock and Republic. Not only that, but they should stop using all that bullshit house and play some real trance. Maybe even some breaks. That would be too much to ask for. It would be a far better show then it already is. Considering its one of the only 2 shows i watch on TV. The other one is Andromeda.

Speaking of that, I really do believe that Tampa and Los Angelas are the two most beautiful cities in america. places like detroit or new york even chicago... they're so dirty. I get this aweing feeling everytime i go into tampa. Its like a country boy going into his first big city, everytime. What a wonderful place to live.

2Tears In The Rain Memories Forgotten

Date:2004-11-30 02:48

"She wounds you like a rose would, not with her thorns, with her beauty"

Memories Forgotten

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